(Names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved)

It is hard to describe the utter despair and agony of watching a beloved young adult child with a bright and happy future become trapped in the hellish cycle of emotional abuse.  It's similar to witnessing your child being abducted or kidnapped. The inability to rescue or help that child, as you slowly watch him/her self-destruct, is a parent's worst nightmare.  

There are many excellent articles, websites, and resources that can help us to understand and recognize abusive relationships. In our case, we had a strong feeling that something was very "off" in our son's relationship with his girlfriend. We saw countless red flags. But we didn't know how to express our concerns until we did a little digging and found a few websites that helped us to define,  confirm, and substantiate the abnormal behavior we were observing. It was only after we fully understood what was happening, that we could help him to connect the dots; thus giving him a way out.

Introduction

Austin has always been the kind of young man people admired—both literally and figuratively. Outgoing, kind-hearted, and optimistic, he had a way of lifting others. He was athletic, sincere, a little naïve at times, but always genuine and approachable. Austin put his whole heart into everything he did. He loved life, loved people, and loved making others happy.

But his trusting nature and deep desire to please almost destroyed him. With Austin’s permission, we want to share his story—not only to raise awareness about the dangers of emotional abuse, but also to offer hope. For those who have walked through abusive relationships, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Healing, growth, and joy are possible again.

The Beginning 

After high school, Austin spent two years in Argentina doing missionary work. When he returned home, he connected with Marcia through mutual friends on Facebook. They quickly hit it off, and Austin was smitten. He spent countless hours chatting with her online.

As parents, we felt uneasy from the beginning. Meeting someone online always carries risk, but there was something about Marcia that made us especially cautious. Eventually, Austin ended things himself. He admitted the relationship didn’t feel right and said he felt suffocated.

Re-ignition, Romance, Increasing Speed and Intensity

The following summer, Austin returned to Argentina to visit friends from his mission. Marcia happened to be in one of the cities he visited, and he decided to meet her in person for the first time. Feeling guilty for having broken things off, he wanted to give her another chance.

They spent just two days together, but Austin came home raving about her. He spoke of little else. We noticed something unusual—his excitement felt almost forced, as if he was trying to convince himself as much as us. The relationship didn’t develop slowly and naturally; instead, it escalated with alarming speed and intensity.

Back in the States, Austin started an out-of-state sales job that could have paid well for college. Living alone and working long hours, he stayed in constant contact with Marcia. They began talking about marriage and a future together. She told him she longed to leave Argentina—her family was broken, her country corrupt. She saw him as her way out, and Austin, eager to help, felt responsible for her happiness.

Though he sometimes had doubts, Marcia convinced him that “love conquers all.” He believed that if he worked hard enough, they could make it work. Together, they found a way for her to get a visa to study English in the U.S.

We were deeply worried. The relationship felt frantic and desperate, completely unlike the level-headed son we knew. At one point, he even hinted that if she couldn’t come to the U.S., he might drop out of school and move to Argentina. This wasn’t the Austin we knew—something felt off, and it terrified us.

Premature Promises

Marcia arrived in the U.S. that October. From that moment, she and Austin were inseparable. Though he had told us he wanted more time to get to know her, it was clear the decision had already been made. This wasn’t dating—it was more like an instant engagement.

Austin felt fully responsible for her. He provided her transportation, helped her get settled at school, and she quickly found an apartment near him so they could spend every free moment together. His time and energy were consumed by her needs. We barely heard from him anymore.

We sensed the emotional toll. Austin admitted he was struggling with depression—something completely foreign for our normally happy, content son.

Then, only weeks after her arrival, we received the phone call: they were planning to marry in April. We hadn’t even met Marcia yet.

The news hit us like a punch to the gut. We had seen countless red flags: the obsessive speed of the relationship, the cultural and language barriers, Marcia’s complete dependence on Austin, and his growing depression. Most of all, he no longer seemed truly happy. Something about the relationship felt forced, unnatural, and wrong.

Still, not wanting to come across as overbearing parents, we tried to step back, hoping our fears would prove unfounded.

First Impressions, Language Boundaries, and Hints of Control

Several of Austin’s siblings attended the same university as he did. Each had met Marcia, and each walked away uneasy. Austin seemed completely absorbed in her world. He no longer spent time with his siblings or friends. His personality was changing—he was overly eager to convince everyone how happy he was, even though it didn’t feel genuine. For a young man who had always been deeply connected to his siblings, the sudden distance was troubling.

When Thanksgiving rolled around, we drove out to spend the holiday with our college kids, nervous about meeting Marcia. But upon arriving, Austin told us he and Marcia had broken off the engagement because “it didn’t feel right.” We were relieved, though still very concerned.

Then we met her. The first thing we noticed was that she refused to speak English to anyone. She spoke only Spanish, forcing all communication to flow through Austin. By making him her interpreter, she effectively ensured that her words were his words. Austin never left her side, constantly translating: “Marcia said this” or “Marcia thinks that.” It was clear she had no interest in engaging with us directly. We couldn’t shake the feeling that she was using language as a barrier—isolating him from us, and keeping him tethered only to her.

Later, while shopping for matching outfits for family pictures, Austin’s sister handed him a shirt to try on. Marcia immediately pulled him aside and whispered in Spanish. Moments later, Austin announced that Marcia wouldn’t let him wear the shirt because it made him look pale. We were stunned. Why was she deciding what he could wear for our family photo? It seemed like a small thing, but the message was clear: Marcia was in charge, and she wanted us to know it.

First Major Red Flag

Austin and Marcia joined us for our extended family Thanksgiving dinner. He spent nearly all his time entertaining Marcia, leaving little space to interact with anyone else. Before long, we noticed Marcia was upset.

We pulled Austin aside privately, hoping to express our concerns gently. We told him we trusted him to make wise choices, but we wanted him to know we saw red flags. Right in the middle of this conversation, he received a text—from Marcia, who was upstairs. His face drained. “Mom,” he said, panicked, “she just broke up with me!”

Moments later, Marcia peeked her head into the room, then left again. Austin immediately bolted after her. We followed and found her on the sofa, scrolling through her phone, stone-faced. Austin was frantic—half crying, half wailing: “Mom, she’s breaking up with me! I wanted to marry her! We’ve been looking at rings! Mom, what am I going to do?” His desperation was heartbreaking.

Even more disturbing was Marcia’s behavior. She sat motionless, glued to her phone, occasionally patting his leg but showing no concern. It was chilling. Her silent treatment was punishment—for daring to give his family attention.

Eventually, Austin’s sister drove them back to their apartments. On the way, Marcia quickly reconciled with him, as though nothing had happened. We realized then that the breakup had been nothing more than a tactic to control him, and to show us that she held the power. That night, our fears deepened: Austin was caught in something far more dangerous than he realized.

Signs of Depression

The change in Austin was undeniable. Our once cheerful, optimistic son had become anxious, withdrawn, and deeply depressed. He admitted to us that he was having suicidal thoughts. Whenever we asked about Marcia, he insisted everything was fine. But we knew better.

We watched a troubling cycle unfold. Marcia would sulk or pout, and Austin would bend over backward to make her happy, while also trying to convince us he was happy too. When she refused to join family activities, he appeared despondent, weighed down with guilt for disappointing her. He seemed trapped—confused, remorseful, and burdened with responsibility for her moods.

We reminded him that in a healthy relationship, he should feel supported, joyful, and like the best version of himself—not like this. We had never seen him so full of doubt and despair. It felt like we were losing our son.

One day, he confided to us that he felt overwhelmed, like his life was spiraling out of control. We urged him to prioritize his emotional health, even suggesting that, given his suicidal thoughts, he consider withdrawing from school and coming home. We hoped that distance from Marcia might give him the clarity and rest he so desperately needed.

Austin agreed—on one condition: that Marcia could come for Christmas. Desperate to help him, we agreed. The week after Thanksgiving, we brought him home. But the very night we arrived, he broke down. He crawled under his bed, sobbing, and we had to coax him out. We had never seen him so fragile, so utterly exhausted and overwhelmed.

No Space Allowed

The first week at home brought us a glimmer of hope. Austin seemed lighter, more like his old self. He played with his younger siblings, spent time with friends, met with a counselor, and slowly regained some cheer. We prayed he would begin to recognize the toxicity of his relationship and find the strength to set boundaries.

The plan was for Marcia to join us just before Christmas, giving Austin time to heal. But only a few days after he’d come home, we received a text from him while he was at a friend’s house: Marcia was arriving in a few days—more than a week earlier than expected.

When we asked about it, he looked embarrassed. Later, we learned that she had demanded he use his limited college savings to buy her a plane ticket and insisted she fly up immediately. Though Austin defended her and took the blame, we eventually discovered the truth: he hadn’t wanted her to come so soon, but he had felt immense pressure to give in. He simply didn’t feel free to say no.

Trying Times

Marcia stayed in our home for nearly four weeks. Because she refused to speak English and we didn’t speak Spanish, communication was almost impossible. It was a difficult and awkward time. We made every effort to treat her kindly, to include her, and to help her feel welcome. We didn’t dislike her—but we could not ignore the countless red flags we saw.

Austin waited on her constantly. She seldom ate any of our food, insisting that he drive her to the store so Austin could buy her food. When he wasn’t with her, she shut herself in her room with the door closed. She grew angry that he wasn’t “entertaining” her or showing her around more—even though all he wanted was to relax at home and spend time with his family. If she didn’t get her way, she pouted. Austin wore himself out trying to draw her out, encourage her, and keep her happy.

We did everything we could to make Christmas special. We bought her presents, included her in our traditions, and tried to show love. But she remained unapproachable. Whenever Austin didn’t meet her expectations, she would retreat to her room until he followed. On Christmas Eve, for example, she was upset because he wasn’t showing her enough physical affection. That night, as on many others, she pulled him into hours-long “intense conversations”—always in Spanish, shutting us out. Each time, Austin came out drained, discouraged, and visibly depressed. Whatever was happening behind those closed doors, it was clear to us that it was not healthy.

Say and Want One Thing, But Do Another (Trapped Against His Will)

Despite Marcia’s anger, Austin made an effort to connect with us. Late at night, he would slip into our room to talk. We reassured him of our love and gently voiced our concerns. To our relief, he often admitted that he saw the same red flags we did. He confided that he felt trapped, and even said he’d be relieved if Marcia chose to end things and return to Argentina.

He longed for the freedom of being single again. He told us that, in his heart, he didn’t believe the relationship would last. Yet, he insisted he couldn’t break up with her—at least not during the holidays. He wanted her to have a nice Christmas. His plan, he said, was to create space once they were back at school: to set boundaries, and maybe even to end things.

But when it came time to return to campus, things escalated. Austin had sold his apartment contract and needed a new place to live. We found several inexpensive, short-term apartments near campus. He was excited about these options. But Marcia had already picked out a different apartment—directly across the street from hers. It was more expensive, further from campus, and came with a long lease through summer.

Austin knew our suggestions were better. He admitted as much and, after some encouragement, chose one of the affordable apartments we’d found. But when he told Marcia, she exploded. She kept him in her room for two hours. We heard crying, shouting, and heated words. When Austin finally emerged, he looked shattered. His only words to us before going to bed were, “I feel so lost and confused.” It broke our hearts.

The next morning, the college kids—including Austin and Marcia—drove back to school. On the way, Marcia cried and pouted. Austin was dropped off at his grandparents’ home, where he locked himself in his room, withdrawn and depressed. His grandparents were shocked. They had never seen him like this—never seen their lively grandson so utterly crushed.

Meanwhile, Marcia went to her apartment. But the calls and texts began immediately. She accused Austin of abandoning her in her depression, insisting he was responsible for her well-being. She threatened suicide, manipulating him with guilt until he gave in. Despite his earlier decision, Austin ended up signing the lease for the apartment Marcia had chosen—directly across the street from hers.

He sounded defeated, depressed, and ashamed. It was clear he didn’t have the strength to oppose her demands. Her suicide threats, break-up threats, anger, guilt trips, and pouting were too much. His tender, compassionate nature—one of his greatest strengths—was being weaponized against him.

We could see it plainly: our son was caught in a web of emotional abuse, and though he wanted help, he couldn’t take hold of the lifelines we kept throwing his way.

Constant Surveillance/Control and Irrational Jealousy

At the time, we did not realize the degree of Marcia’s surveillance. She controlled his phone, his computer, his social media, his email—even his browsing history. She read everything. She monitored every move.

Our attempts to reach him only made things worse. Once, we sent him a heartfelt email begging him to see the danger he was in. Marcia saw it, erupted in fury, and the resulting fight left Austin miserable. He couldn’t afford the cost of our communication. He was in pure survival mode.

She shadowed his life. She went to work with him. She followed him to class. If she noticed him look at another girl, she accused him of unfaithfulness. She stalked those girls online, sometimes confronting them directly. After one incident in his biology class, she demanded that he never attend unless she went with him. He nearly failed the class because she wouldn’t allow him to attend consistently.

She timed him between locations. If he didn’t answer her calls, she flew into rages. She accused him of cheating if he so much as glanced at a girl—even once at a McDonald’s drive-through, where she saw him look at the cashier. She hurled her drink at him, drenching him in anger.

To keep him compliant, she told him he was no better than her abusive ex-boyfriend. She reminded him of men she claimed would gladly replace him. She threatened to sleep with them if he was ever unfaithful.

Crazy-Making Fights and Self Harm

Her arguments were circular, irrational, and demeaning. She convinced him he was a terrible person, guilty of every perceived failure. She constantly threatened to leave—but never did. For Austin, raised in a home without screaming or violence, the yelling matches were utterly foreign. They shredded his sense of reality.

Desperate to avoid conflict, he found himself willing to do almost anything. Yet Marcia was impossible to please. No matter what he did, she twisted it into betrayal. He often tried to escape the fights by leaving, but she blocked the door and threatened to call the police.

The psychological torment became unbearable. To cope, Austin turned to self-harm. He banged his head against walls and furniture, hoping to black out. He slapped himself just to feel pain. Once, in despair after a fight, he punched a concrete wall and broke his hand. That injury disqualified him from competing as a Division I athlete—the sport he had worked so hard for, and which had once been his passion. Marcia resented his training and demanded he choose between her and his sport.

She told him he was bipolar, unstable, and destined for a hospital. She painted herself as his caretaker while blaming his family for his breakdowns. The truth—that her abuse was destroying him—was something she never acknowledged.

During this time, Austin lost more than forty pounds. He was sick, depressed, hopeless, and frequently tormented by thoughts of ending it all.

Dark Times

For us, his family, these were the darkest days. He ignored our calls and texts. We couldn’t email him, knowing Marcia read everything.

One sister finally convinced him to visit her apartment. While there, she had him read a message from us on her computer—a message expressing concern for his mental health, not criticizing Marcia. Still, Austin stormed out in anger, leaving his sister sobbing. Later he admitted that the letter was true—but facing that truth meant facing Marcia’s wrath. He felt trapped, caught between his family and his abuser.

We began to lose hope. It seemed as though our son was gone—his mind hijacked, his personality changed, his life destroyed. The pain and anguish we felt were unbearable.

Tough News

During this time, we had almost no contact with Austin. We were extremely distraught and panicked as we saw our son slipping away from us. Our beautiful, happy, outgoing, faithful, bright, trusting, funny boy seemed to have withered up and died, leaving in his place an empty, depressed, illogical shell of a man. It was surreal. The worst part was that we were completely helpless. Nothing we did or said seemed to make a difference. We didn’t understand how this could be happening.

We sensed that the situation was becoming worse. It felt dark and wrong. Knowing that our attempts to reach him had only made him angry and seemed to push him farther away, we tried to give him some space. Everything we read about abuse victims told us that we could not force him to leave and that he would have to make the first move. Yet even though we were no longer reaching out as much, our feelings of panic and helplessness did not subside. If anything, the worry and dread only grew heavier.

Then, to our horror, we received a message from Austin saying that he and Marcia planned to marry in just a few weeks. This made no sense. Austin had told us repeatedly that he did not want to marry her so soon. We had talked extensively at Christmas, and he had admitted that the relationship was unhealthy. Out of desperation, we sent him a last-ditch email, begging him to reconsider, reminding him of our love, and pointing out the many red flags we saw. To our utter dismay, he replied the next day with a short email telling us that our letter was too late—Marcia was pregnant.

That day, our world came crashing down. The realization that our sweet son was now permanently trapped in a toxic, abusive relationship was gut-wrenching. Until this point, we still had hope that he would “see” the abuse and somehow find the strength to leave. But with news of the pregnancy, we felt that hope shatter. We grieved the loss of our son and for the innocent child who would be born into such an unstable, volatile situation.

Complete Submission: Anything for Peace

Austin later explained to us that, in order to survive, he gave in to all of Marcia’s demands—emotionally, physically, and financially. Whenever he tried to set boundaries, she would feel threatened and immediately work to break them down until she regained full control. If he didn’t submit, she would make his life a living hell until he did.

He was so broken and exhausted that he simply didn’t have the strength to withstand her jealousy, distrust, anger, and the endless fights. To prove his love, she required constant attention: every waking moment spent with her, constant entertainment, repeated promises that he would never leave, paying for expensive items—her housing, her schooling, her clothing, her food—and physical intimacy.

This last demand went against his deepest beliefs. He knew it was wrong. He hated the situation, but he also didn’t know how to escape. All he cared about was keeping the peace. He told us later that he was literally in survival mode. Yes, of course physical attraction and hormones played a role—Marcia was attractive, and the temptation was real. But premarital sex was against his core values. In fact, he even sought guidance from his ecclesiastical leader and tried to establish boundaries. Whenever Marcia sensed those boundaries, however, she punished him until he relented.

This was something Austin, under normal and healthy circumstances, never would have considered. Up until he met Marcia, he had never even kissed a girl. But his self-confidence, self-worth, and sense of identity had been slowly eroded over months of abuse until he lost touch with his core values. Out of sheer necessity, he gave up defending them and allowed Marcia to dictate his actions and behavior.

Hopelessness and Stark Contrasts

The news of Marcia’s pregnancy shook us to the core. We knew she had used pouting, anger, threats of leaving, threats of self-harm, and even suicide threats to keep Austin under her control. We also knew she was angry that he had continued postponing marriage. But we never imagined she would go to such lengths to ensure that he would be forced to marry her. Now there seemed to be no way out.

Austin tried to put on a happy face and convince us that he was excited about the marriage. He tried his hardest to make things work. Even in this horrendous situation, our sweet Austin wanted to be responsible and do what was right. He assumed full responsibility and even sought out help from his ecclesiastical leader. He explained that he and Marcia were seeing a marriage counselor. Even that counselor, however, advised him to call off the wedding—privately telling Austin the relationship was neither healthy nor stable.

The timing made things even harder. The news came just one week before our daughter’s wedding. Her relationship with her fiancé was everything Austin’s was not—joyful, loving, supportive, and healthy. They brought out the best in each other. In contrast, Marcia brought out the worst in Austin, and we had never seen him more miserable.

We had been planning our daughter’s wedding for months, and now we were suddenly trying to put together a rushed wedding for Austin and Marcia just weeks later. The contrast was heartbreaking. Our daughter’s wedding radiated joy, love, and excitement. Austin’s felt only desperate, dark, and joyless. Still, we did our best to plan a special wedding—working with his church leader, finding a dress, planning decorations—forcing smiles through tears as we faced the inevitable.

Wedding Called Off

Around that time, Marcia had allowed Austin to communicate occasionally with one of his best friends—likely because she didn’t feel threatened by him or jealous of their friendship. Since she so rarely permitted Austin to speak freely with anyone outside her presence, even this small allowance was significant.

Afterward, the friend reached out to us and shared something that shook us—Austin had confided to him that he did not want to marry Marcia. Hearing this gave us the courage we needed to contact Austin again and gently offer him a way out.

Even though we had already purchased plane tickets for the wedding—which was less than a week away—we told him that didn’t matter. We reassured him there was no pressure to go through with it.

We encouraged them to take their time, reminding him that a wedding should not be rushed. Waiting would give everyone more space to plan something meaningful and also allow Austin and Marcia more time to figure out where they would live.

Deep down, we sensed that Austin was searching for an “out,” and we wanted him to know he had one.

Pretend Marriage and Strange Future Plans

Once the wedding was postponed, we were relieved that no new date was set. We waited and waited, hoping this might give them both time to rethink things. But while no wedding plans ever materialized, that didn’t stop Marcia from telling all of her friends and family in Argentina that she and Austin had already gotten married. She even tried to borrow a wedding dress so they could stage photos to send home, though thankfully the dress’s owner talked her out of it.

At one point, we checked Austin’s Facebook and saw that his relationship status had been changed to “married.” We panicked, thinking they had eloped without telling us. But Austin quickly reassured us that wasn’t the case. He admitted Marcia had pressured him into making the change so that her friends would believe the story. It was another attempt on her part to control the narrative and to convince her world in Argentina that the marriage had already taken place.

A few weeks later, Austin announced that Marcia had decided to fly back to Argentina to have her baby. She was miserable living in the United States and wanted to be near her family. Her plan was for Austin to fly down with her and stay for a month, living with her family under the pretense of already being married. Because he would not be able to work in Argentina, she decided that he would return to the U.S. after a month to work the rest of the summer, then fly back a few months before the baby’s birth and remain through the end of the year.

After that, the future became hazy. Marcia spoke of Austin returning to college, with her joining him later, at which point they would “consider” marriage again.

Wake Up and Cry for help

After the wedding postponement, we began to hope that maybe Austin was emerging from the surreal, mind-altering oppression he had been under for months. We noticed Marcia’s iron grip was loosening. He stopped defending her irrational behavior and admitted it was unhealthy.

One night, we received a 2 a.m. phone call. On the other end, Austin was wailing. Through sobs, he said Marcia was breaking up with him. Alarmed, we asked if he was alone. He insisted he was. Then he asked, “Are you happy and relieved that she’s leaving me? Are you happy right now?” We told him no—that we were deeply concerned about his mental health.

Suddenly, we heard Marcia’s angry voice in the background, speaking Spanish. We were stunned. He had lied—she was right there. He admitted he had kept us on the line so she could hear our reactions. He wanted to prove to her that we weren’t the “monsters” she always claimed.

What followed was hours of explosive fighting, with us as witnesses. Marcia screamed at him in Spanish, and he translated: “Mom, she says she hates you so much. She says you’re evil. Now she’s mocking the way you talk.” Then he’d say things back to her, trying to placate her, only for her to erupt again. At one point, he told us he was a terrible person who didn’t deserve her—all words he later admitted were what Marcia wanted to hear.

Finally, we heard a door slam. Austin said she had stormed out and that he needed to check on her. Then the call dropped. It was 4:00 a.m., and we were frantic. Neither of them was in a safe mental state. When we couldn’t reach him, we texted that we would call the police if he didn’t respond. He eventually called back to say he was home. He sounded drained and empty. Our hearts were aching for him.

The entire ordeal was surreal and disturbing. We realized Austin had been desperate for us to witness her irrational, explosive abuse. The next morning, he called again, calm and alone. He admitted he knew the relationship was extremely unhealthy and said he didn’t think it would last. He had said similar things before, but this time we could see he genuinely wanted out—even though he still lacked the strength to leave.

Increased Tension

As their departure date for Argentina drew near, our anxiety as parents was almost unbearable. Everyone who loved Austin was worried. We feared that if he went—pretending to be married—it would quickly unravel, and he would be pressured by Marcia’s family to actually marry her. He had told us many times he did not want to marry her, yet we had also watched him repeatedly break his own promises under her control. We feared she might even find a way to trap him in Argentina indefinitely.

But most of all, we feared for his life. He had admitted to suicidal thoughts. He told us plainly that he didn’t want to go, yet also that he had “no choice.”

Just three days before the scheduled flight, he called home in good spirits. He told us he knew he shouldn’t go and planned to break the news to Marcia. We were cautiously relieved, though wary of her control.

The next day, we received another call—this time with Austin hysterical, sobbing uncontrollably. Marcia had discovered he had called us the night before by checking his phone log. Furious, she attacked him—hitting and slapping until he had a black eye. When he pushed her off, she accused him of hurting her stomach and killing their baby. Later she would admit in writing that she knew he hadn’t intended harm, that he was acting in self-defense. But in the moment, she threatened to call the police and have him arrested.

Austin phoned us in despair, convinced he was a terrible person, sobbing, “What if I killed my baby?” He was inconsolable. We feared he was at a breaking point.

We asked his sister Marie to check on them. She found them both agitated. Marcia threatened to punch Marie if she didn’t leave, warning that her distress might cause a miscarriage. Austin begged Marie to go. She left in tears, terrified for her brother. Later, his other sister Ann visited. By then, they had gone to the doctor, and the baby was fine.

Ann spoke with Austin alone. He reassured her that he knew the relationship was toxic and said he would try to avoid the trip. They even agreed he would give her his passport to prevent him from boarding the plane. Ann called us with the hopeful news.

But an hour later, she phoned again—this time sobbing. Austin had returned to the apartment to talk with Marcia. Thirty minutes later, he emerged, shoulders slumped, and told Ann he was sorry. He had promised Marcia he would go, and he couldn’t go back on that promise.

Through tears, Ann cried to us: “We’re losing him!”

Rescue

We knew Austin needed help. We had to do everything in our power to keep him from boarding his flight to Argentina the next day. It was decided that his mother, Christy, would make the 14-hour drive to Austin’s apartment and try to convince him not to leave the country. Everyone was extremely worried about his safety. None of us could sleep that night, and before dawn Christy was already on the road.

While driving, she called Austin’s sister, Ann, and asked her to check on him first thing in the morning. We hoped Ann would find him alone and have a chance to talk. Instead, she called back to say Marcia was there—but she would still try. After that, hours passed with no news. We didn’t know what was happening and felt utterly helpless. The only comfort was knowing that every mile brought Christy closer to our son.

Finally, Christy phoned her other daughter, Marie, hoping for updates. From the first sound of Marie’s voice, Christy knew something serious had happened. Marie’s first words were, “Mom, so much has happened!” Then she explained: Austin was in the hospital!

When Ann had arrived that morning, Austin and Marcia were in the middle of yet another fight. Marcia was enraged that Ann had come over and demanded Austin send her away. Austin tried to calm her by telling her—in Spanish—that he didn’t want Ann there, but he refused to actually drive his sister out. When Austin and Ann attempted to leave the apartment together in order to talk, Marcia pulled Austin back inside while pushing Ann toward the door. Ann forced her way back in and sat firmly on the sofa, refusing to leave Austin's side.

Marcia exploded, threatened to punch Ann, and then assaulted her—striking her on the head and scratching her. Austin couldn’t bear the sight of his sister being attacked. He pulled Marcia away, which only fueled her fury. She screamed at him, accusing him of caring more for his sister than for her.

That was the breaking point. Feeling completely trapped, Austin snapped. He stormed through the apartment, punching holes in the walls and doors, before bolting barefoot into the street. Recognizing the danger, Ann—who had recently received suicide prevention training—immediately called 911 and reported that her brother was suicidal. When Austin returned later, an officer intercepted him, cuffed him, and transported him to the hospital.

Marie assured Christy she was heading straight to the hospital and would call as soon as she knew more.

Christy, still eight hours away, struggled to contain her fears. What if Marcia reached Austin at the hospital? What if he was released before she arrived? What if he still managed to board the plane? Chris called the hospital, but staff wouldn’t release information. After much pressing, they finally explained that if someone was admitted on suicide watch, they would be held in complete isolation with no contact and no phone. This gave us immense relief—at least Marcia couldn’t reach him.

Later that day, Austin’s sisters and other relatives were able to meet with his doctor; Chris and his father joined the meeting by phone. Thankfully, because Austin had not married Marcia, she had no legal right to “first contact.” Instead, his sisters and parents were the ones able to counsel with the doctor and hear the truth of what was happening. This could have turned out very differently if Marcia had been granted direct access to both the doctor and to Austin himself.

The doctor confirmed that Austin was in a severely abusive relationship that had caused trauma-induced anxiety and a breakdown. He reassured us that Austin could recover but insisted he must have no contact with Marcia. He assured us that Austin would not be released that day and would likely be transferred to another hospital. For the first time, we could breathe—Austin was safe.

Marcia's Departure

 Meanwhile, Marcia had also called the police when Austin fled the apartment. Thankfully, Ann’s earlier call had already dispatched officers. After Austin was taken away, Ann contacted her sister Marie, and together with their husbands and an aunt, they rushed to the hospital.

Marcia, frantic and panicked, began sending Ann and Marie a flood of texts. She apologized, claimed her aggression came from her “intense love” for Austin, and begged for updates. Ann responded cautiously, offering only that Austin was sick and in isolation. Protecting him came first.

But we knew another hurdle lay ahead: Marcia and Austin’s flight was scheduled for the next day. Unless she boarded the plane without him, the cycle might start all over again. Ann and Marie worked carefully to ensure she left. They comforted her, helped her pack and do laundry, and even drove her to the airport. Though visibly upset, she admitted she was looking forward to going home—a relief to us all.

The entire extended family—parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends—waited anxiously for confirmation. Finally, the news came: Marcia had checked her bags, passed through security, and boarded her flight. The relief was indescribable.

Packing Up the "Crime Scene"

Once Marcia’s plane was in the air, Christy, Marie, and an aunt and cousin went to Austin’s apartment to pack his things. The apartment was unsettling—empty, chaotic, and still heavy with what had happened there.

They found the damage Austin had caused in his breakdown: holes in the walls and a ripped-off closet door. More disturbing were the notes. Marcia had left obsessive messages everywhere—scrawled in books and notebooks, written in permanent marker on towels and pictures, stuffed into clothes and toiletries, even tucked into underwear. She had drenched sheets, clothing, and pillows in perfume until the entire place reeked.

The notes repeated the same themes: desperate pleas for Austin to follow her to Argentina, warnings that his family would try to separate them, declarations of love, and apologies begging for forgiveness. The sheer number and intensity of the notes were unnerving.

Packing was painful—every item bore traces of the abuse—but it was also an act of release. Closing the door on that apartment meant closing the door on one of the darkest chapters of Austin’s life.

Hospital Release

The day Marcia was scheduled to fly back to Argentina, we were able to reach Austin by phone. He had been transferred to a different hospital. Hearing his voice was a relief—he sounded tired but stable. The doctor had told him that he was not mentally ill and could be released, but advised keeping him hospitalized until Marcia had left the country. We were deeply grateful that the doctor recognized the severity of the abuse and agreed to ensure Austin’s safety for another day.

When Christy first spoke to him, the very first question out of Austin’s mouth was whether Marcia was okay. She reassured him that she was being taken care of—that she was staying with a friend and that his sisters had already helped her pack up her belongings. His concern showed the lingering hold she still had over him, and though Christy was relieved to finally hear his voice, she couldn’t help but worry that he might still feel bound to her.

Christy arranged to visit Austin during evening visiting hours. She hadn’t seen her son since Christmas, and in those few short months Marcia had managed to nearly destroy him. The shock of that reunion was almost unbearable. Austin looked broken. He had lost over 40 pounds during the ordeal, wore a black eye from a prior assault by Marcia, and had his hand in a brace. The healthy, bright young man she remembered was almost unrecognizable.

Christy was nervous—not only because of his fragile state, but because she still feared he might want to return to Marcia despite everything. But after their initial embrace, Austin’s words cut through all doubt: he clearly expressed his desire to have no further contact with Marcia. He went to the nurse’s station and requested that his personal items, including his phone, be handed to Christy. He wrote down all his passwords and instructed her to remove social media platforms and messages from his phone. He even asked that, as soon as Marcia’s plane was in the air, Christy immediately go online and block her from every platform. Christy was relieved—she had feared he might resist—but Austin’s awareness of the toxicity of his past relationship was clear. He was finally finding the strength to escape, terrified of any contact with Marcia.

The next day, Christy returned to the hospital to pick up Austin. Approaching the locked psychiatric unit doors felt surreal—she had to request permission to enter, knowing that on the other side was her son, finally free from the control that had held him captive. When the doors opened, Austin emerged looking broken and worn from the ordeal, but relieved. He immediately embraced Christy, and in that moment, the feeling was unmistakable—like a hostage being released after a long and traumatic captivity. The mix of relief, gratitude, and disbelief washed over them both, as they finally had their son safely back.

After leaving the hospital, Christy drove Austin to the university so he could take care of some necessary business. That evening, we all gathered at his aunt’s house for dinner. His siblings who lived nearby, along with their spouses, were waiting. The family was able to reconnect with Austin, showering him with love and support. There were lots of hugs, tears, and heartfelt conversations as everyone tried to process what had happened and express how grateful they were to have him back safely. Christy was especially grateful to have her son sleeping soundly in the bedroom next to hers, checking on him several times throughout the night to make sure he was okay.

The following day, Christy and Austin began the 14-hour drive home. As soon as they were in the car, Austin began talking non-stop. The stories he shared were harrowing. Christy recorded everything he said, knowing these firsthand accounts would be invaluable for understanding the full extent of the trauma. Austin slept much of the way, but whenever he was awake, he continued to recount events in detail. These recordings have been compiled and can be found here: [In Austin’s Words].

When they arrived home, Austin was greeted by his dad and younger siblings, who had prepared welcome-home signs and were beyond grateful to have him back. There were more tears, more hugs, and an overwhelming sense of relief. Having him home again was incredible—finally, Austin was safe, surrounded by the family who loved him most. Even after returning home, Christy and the family helped Austin enforce strict boundaries online, blocking Marcia from all possible channels. With the protection and support of his family, Austin could finally begin the slow, steady process of emotional and physical healing, reclaiming his life and regaining his sense of safety and freedom.

Recovery

Having Austin home was a profound relief. He was free from manipulative and emotional abuse, but his mental state was fragile. He slept most of the first week and took time to regain his physical health, including restoring his appetite and weight. Therapy was a slow but necessary process.

Many things triggered him—reminders of Marcia, messages, or even casual contact with friends who had been intermediaries. Initially, Austin wanted to talk openly about his experiences, often sharing late into the night. This helped him process the trauma and reassured us as parents. Reading books about emotional abuse also became an important tool for him.

However, he also went through periods of depression, withdrawing into a semi-trance-like state, sitting silently for hours, refusing interaction. Experiencing our son’s suffering was heart-wrenching. We protected him from all direct contact with Marcia, as it was his most damaging trigger. But she continued to stalk him online and contact friends, claiming Austin still loved her and that his family was brainwashing him.

We blocked her on all accounts and provided a single email for her to communicate with us—but she continued attempts at direct contact. On one occasion, she tricked Austin into thinking she was someone else, gaining voice contact that sent him into weeks of deep depression. Slowly, he regained control, ensuring Marcia was blocked on every platform, feeling much like a witness in a protection program. Our priority for the year was his safety and healing.

With his counselor—who had extensive experience in adoption—Austin developed a plan for his daughter. He submitted the plan to Marcia via her ecclesiastical leader, aiming to place the child in a loving and stable home. Marcia, however, rejected the plan and accused him of wanting to abandon their daughter. She continued sending threatening and manipulative emails, causing our family repeated PTSD-like responses. By enforcing strict boundaries, we carved the space necessary to begin healing from the trauma.

Future

Austin continues to maintain limited contact with Marcia. He supports his daughter through monthly payments, facilitated by legal agreement. He writes letters expressing love and concern, hoping to build a relationship with her once she can communicate independently of Marcia. At this point, he cannot co-parent directly with Marcia due to safety concerns.

As grandparents, we also hope to maintain a relationship with our granddaughter, sending letters and gifts. Although this experience has been extremely difficult for everyone involved, we wish Marcia the best and hope she receives the help necessary to provide a safe and loving home for their child.

The most beautiful and hopeful part of this journey has been witnessing Austin’s healing. He has returned to his familiar, happy, outgoing, compassionate self. He is excited about his hobbies, friends, family, work, studies, and future. The experience changed him, but through God’s grace, he has emerged stronger, wiser, and resilient—an inspiring testament to the human spirit’s capacity to recover from even profound abuse.